​ How to Affair Proof Your Marriage


I was in a meeting when I saw what looked like a cookie on the snack tray.

I Have a Weakness for Sweets

I had been committed to limit my sweets in order to improve my health and fitness. I saw others in the meeting eating the cookies and thought, That must be a really good cookie. By the second break, I went over to investigate more.

Indeed, this looked like a really good cookie! There was fresh fruit on a tray as well, but it didn’t look as good as the cookie.

I Ate the Cookie

By the end of the meeting, I saw the cookies were still there so I went over and thought to myself, “I will just try one bite to see how good it is.” I took one and bit it. It was okay, but it didn’t taste as good as I had imagined. I thought about throwing the rest away, but I continued instead to eat the entire cookie.

I have always been tempted by anything sweet and sugary. I knew from past experiences that instead of continuing to look at the cookie and think about the cookie, I should have stayed away. Truthfully, it wasn’t the first or even second look that got me in trouble but the fact that I continued to look and think about it even as the meeting continued.

This is so often how affairs happen. We fail to respect temptation without surrendering to it. Consequences of an affair can last a lifetime. We must be intentional about affair-proofing the most important relationship in our lives.

4 Tips to Affair Proof Your Marriage

1. Set Appropriate Boundaries

One boundary I have set for myself is not to have closed-door meetings alone with the opposite sex. I usually explain that when I meet with women, and most understand and do not have a problem. In this one case, I met with a lady who scheduled time to ask for my advice. 

As the meeting began, she closed the door of her office behind us. Initially, I kindly asked her to keep the door open and explained why. She however got defensive and said, “Do you think I’m going to jump you or something?” She seemed offended that I would make such a statement. I told her it had nothing to do with her; it was just a commitment I have made. She insisted it would be okay. I finally told her, “Either you open the door or I’m leaving.”

This may seem radical to some, but don’t worry about that. They will get over it. Your marriage is what’s important.

2. Have a Healthy Sex Life at Home

You've have heard the saying, “Don’t go to the grocery store hungry.” Well, the same can be said about a healthy sex life. 

I may have a filet mignon at home waiting for me, but if I hadn’t eaten all day and am starving, I am more likely to stop at McDonald’s just because it's fast and easy. 

Having a healthy sex life gives you more strength to fight temptation.

3. Have total Transparency with Your Spouse

I counseled a young married man who was upset that his wife looked through his phone. I told him that he needed that. He thought she should just trust him. I explained that I’ve been married over twenty-six years and have never so much as looked at another naked person, but even after all that time, I don’t trust myself! I need accountability.

My wife has full access to my phone, computer and calendar. She doesn't make a habit of looking. However the fact that she can, provides added protection and accountability for me to walk the straight and narrow.

4. Submit Yourself to Spiritual Accountability

We all need accountability. We need spiritually mature men and women with which to share our struggles. I’m not talking about secretly sharing it with others who are just our partners in crime and will conceal our secrets. This person is not going to give godly advice and hold you accountable. On the other end of the spectrum, you can’t just pick anyone as an accountability partner. Find a spiritually mature person you can trust, who will hold judgment and provide godly advice. Once you find the right person, the goal is for them to lovingly hold you accountable for God’s vision for your life.

Don’t gamble with your marriage, thinking an affair is not that big of a deal. We have to be careful not to trade what’s important for what is immediate.

What Tips Do You Have?  I want to hear from you! What tip do you have for an affair-proof marriage?

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